Failure in itself is a big word and worst feeling one can have. I am not a success story, not yet at least.
And I wanted to went this out some how and I chose to share the feeling through this platform and there is a reason for that. Mainly I searched for something like this for two long years but all I ever saw was how everyone suffered and got success. They worked hard and kept patience and they are somewhere right now.
I was inspired and dedicated and only god knows how much have I worked but none of that matters because after 2 years of sleepless nights, of breaking up with friends and just fucking studying, I am still here in my parents room using my brother’s laptop to write and reach people who feel as shitty as I do.
This is how failure feels to me. And the funny story is that it comes back to bite you in the ass. Expert from my life: I had recently given test for a job in TATA Steels and as in when my friend got a mail back from them he asked me that had I got one too and at that moment I understood that I hadn’t cleared the exam so i got sad and everything and wrote this. After a week that happened I get a mail from TATA Steel and guess what, I got happy as an elephant that maybe they mailed me late or there was some error but they had mailed me to tell me that I hadn’t made it! I mean it was bad enough that i failed but fate mocking me like that, it was another level of feeling sorry for myself.
This is not it. Every day and each hour of my life since last 3 years I have dreamt of a becoming an Civil Servant and everyday it felt happening, all the while when I was preparing up till January. For those of you who does not know cracking Indian Engineering Services is a big deal and probability of that happening is one in ten thousand. But now I know that I wont be clearing that one either.
This is what I feel right now. If anything changes will let you know. But through all of this is I have remembered and embraced on to just one thought that I heard in a movie,” Magic happens to those who believe it can.” Maybe… Just some how things will work for me too.