Blank?

Hi

I dont know what to write today and I am a writer since i entered in teenage and maybe before that and when I am out again. You see I stopped writing. Poems and stories left me. My insipiration(not that it was a happy one) left me and I no longer wrote. Not even those erotic scenes I used to write to my ex boyfriend.

I have one opportunity left and only one thing that can give me a little of what is left in my life back. I don’t want to stay at my parents anymore and getting admission for my masters is the only way that i can see and it’s the only hope. I would rather die than live this life anymore. One exam will decide what my life will be. I had one more option and that was to propose my boyfriend since almost four years and three months to marry me because I thought it was time but he thinks its too early. so i don’t know how to get over that heartbreak either. And how to forgive myself for all this.

Molestation, failure and now a heartbreak from a person I thought could never see me hurt. The last blow shall make me loose all my hope. I have already lost hope. The only thing that is left is the love I feel towards myself. Slowly I am loosing my love for my god also. I wonder how can he see me in so much pain for almost two years and yet not do something about it. You know they are supposed o be our guiding angel not the silent watchers who see our pain and enjoy from it? I don’t want to believe in anything and anyone anymore. It physically hurts me.

 

Thanking you

Dreamer

Molestation(Things that no one talks about.)

Hi my inquisitive souls.

This is one topic that has been hard for me to talk about but since no one knows me here and you can judge me all you want but I need to get this out of my system.

The first scene where I came face to face with molestation was simple and if I told someone maybe he will say that was nothing but what someone else doesn’t known is that it scared me for life. I was standing on a bus stop waiting for a bus and a bus stops infront of me(that was going on a different route) and a person sitting by the window made a gester of kissing. I was shocked to my core. I was just 13.

Then there was someone who grabbed my ass at the age of 14. Mind you(I didn’t even had proper breasts by then) and I was speechless. 

At the age of 15, I was picking my brother up from school and a guy in a car passed by me saying, “What should I pay for you” I was in tears.

The most devastating came from family.

My mother’s cousin harrased me for the whole night and I couldn’t utter a word. All i did was cry. I was 15 then.( I didn’t even knew what sex was). Few months after that my cousin (I was very close to him) tried to kiss me and grab my boobs! 

I thought all this was my fault and 8 years after that I am still trying to recover from it. I want to help those who felt the same way. Girl or a boy. IT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT. Always remember that.!

The most recent came when a person kissed my elbow when I was standing in metro holding the supporters attached to the roof. And I still couldn’t punch him in the face. I was still as shocked as I was the first time it happened 10 years ago.

Please feel free to share anything you want to. I know It will help me. Especially how did you recover from all of it. I had a very hard time. I used to torture myself physically thinking all this was my fault.

Thankyou