Past Present Future

Hi my inquisitive souls.

The topic for today’s discussion is very, I would like to say Difficult. Staying in the present. Don’t think about the past, what has happened you can’t change hence the past. And don’t overthink you can’t change what will happen. So what can we do really?

In my culture it is said that we have our destiny, then why do we have the liberty to choose. Does our destiny change with our choices? Who really does decide our destiny? And what are we then? PUPPETS?

I know these are a lot of unanswered questions but do these intrigue anyone else?

I am thinking all of this even though I have a very important paper coming up. It is raining so I think the weather justifies my overthinking.

Love

Dreamer

New Hopes

Hi my inquisitive souls.

This is my new hope and new dream. There is this exam for an institute Indian Statistical Institute. And I wanna apply for masters. But the syllabus is all maths and lets be honest I am not very good at maths and this is not engineering level maths. This is research level maths. I don’t know what future hold for me but this is the last hope I have to be something and I really don’t know what to do if I fail at this too.

Suggestions and feelings are welcome.

Thank you

Dreamer

Comfort Food.-Depression Diary

Hi my inquisitive souls.

People with depression would be familiar with this concept of COMFORT FOOD. This habit of eating whenever you are feeling sad generally leads to self destruction in many ways. It’s not just about being healthy and unhealthy or over weight and skinny. Food becomes your drug. And being addicted to anything is dangerous in this world.

For me food is more than comfort, IT IS MY BEST FRIEND. But in the same way you have to leave the negative  influence behind, I have to leave food and choose healthier and better options. I don’t want food to control my life. It is my life and I want to turn it around.

I love weight lifting more than anything and to see improvement in that we need to control a large part of what we feed our bodies with. I am trying my bit to improve my health and my life. And I urge everyone who have some sort of mental or physical disorder. Try to take control of your life.

BE BRAVE. BE IN CONTROL. IT’S YOUR LIFE.

Thanking you

DREAMER

Love: My Issues (part4)

You all know quite a bit about my story. If you don’t read the series before. Today i feel very sad about a thing which I didn’t realise in the last month. 

He is going to Goa with his friends and I can’t go. I looked up the places he will be visiting online today and that physically aches because he will be having a lot of fun and it will be a memory and i won’t be there. 

It physically hurts that i wanna marry him but he keeps on saying no. So yes it is a dream come true love story, and yes he is right when he says no to marriage because we are just 23 but i feel i am ready. I don’t know what to think.

All I know is, he is my once upon a time and he is my happily ever after..

Thank you

Dreamer.

Love: part 3-Anniversary.

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We complete four years of togetherness on February 22 this year. But we can’t meet on that day because he has to go somewhere out of the city. So he bought me these books that I showed him in a bookstore called crossroads a while ago. And a rose.

Getting a rose makes me sort of sad. Maybe because i can’t preserve its freshness and the smell i get. Does this happens to you too? I mean it’s not just that. I love him so much that when he does something for me out of the ordinary, i feel guilt. Is it normal? I am immensely happy but the love is overwhelming.

I ask myself, I am fat. I look average. The only thing good about me is that I am an extremist. And never have I ever got the answer to why such a good looking guy would say yes to me. But he did and still does. Everyday! And that love has grown.

I know he loves me. Maybe more than I love him. And I feel guilty that maybe my love will not be enough.

Thanking You

Dreamer

A Father’s Betrayal

Hi my inquisitive souls..

It’s about how a parents manipulates you and then breaks your trust for good. They don’t get you nor do they get the intensity with which you want to fight for yourself and gain a name.

One such incident happened with me recently. There are multiple but this one broke my heart. I have been giving series of examination to hopefully get a job  in government arena but I have failed to do that and maybe there are shortcomings in my effort but whatever. So he used to haunt me that study or I will marry you off and now when I have failed I come to know that just wasn’t to haunt  me but was real. Now he really wants to marry me off at fucking 22!.

Betrayal is that two days ago when I asked him what if I failed in this and he said don’t worry I will set you up your own business and now this.

When I inquired about the business he said that you can do all that after marriage.

Trust was broken and maybe after all these I should have learnt better. Heart was broken that if not your dad, whom are you supposed to trust anymore?

THANKYOU

BROKEN DREAMER